February 08, 2007

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Knickers in a Twist

For....

by Lippy Imp

Sure, Valentine’s Day has been reduced to a gigantic red-and-pink marketing campaign, but that doesn’t mean the holiday is without relevance. At its best, Valentine’s Day is less about reaffirming existing love than about giving rise to something new. There isn’t anything particularly romantic about presenting your spouse with a dozen red roses on Valentine’s Day. That is, according to the TV commercials, what you’re supposed to do, but nothing predictable or dutiful should ever be considered romantic. If you were to anonymously surprise a coworker with a box of chocolates or even a simple card, however, that would be more in line with the spirit of the day—or at least its original intent.

Back in its pagan days, Valentine’s Day was a time when young men and women were randomly paired off and sent away to mate, which sounds great if you let yourself believe that everyone was good-looking. (Considering the state of dentistry back then, not to mention the bounty of horrifying diseases and the complete dearth of soap, that’s a bit of a leap. Still, it’s nice to dream.) Today, Valentine’s Day is more about remembrance. You hear it all the time. Did you remember to get your wife that tennis bracelet? Did you remember to give your pool boy the day off? What’s so romantic about that?

But for all you cynics who say Valentine’s Day is nothing but a sham, a holiday robbed of its meaning by greeting card corporations, you’re mostly right. And it’s your fault. The reason February 14 became a revolting sea of red and pink is the same reason for the advent of the Hot Pocket or the surge of reality television: laziness. Instead of challenging ourselves to be uniquely romantic, we started to rely on obvious tokens—roses, cards, candy—and turned them into staples of the holiday. Now, valentines are in any store with enough shelf space, and a box of chocolates has become the fruitcake of lovers.

Part of the reason for this is because we’re busy. Our jobs now define us, and our self-esteem seems to be tied to our productivity. So, romance is piffle, frivolous fluff to the work-minded set. Love, to them, is something you have, not something you do.

Of course, romantic love is one of the things that set humans apart from other animals. Otherwise, we’re just drones, aren’t we? What’s the point of working for work’s sake? If, when your partner tries to engage you with affection and your only response is, “I gave at the office,” what’s the point of being in love at all? To have someone who will pick up the dry cleaning as long as you both shall live?

The complaints about Valentine’s Day are similar to those about Christmas—that it has lost its significance in all the commercialism. But I see people responding to that, and in return creating a more organic Christmas for themselves. They’re making their own gifts, caroling in groups, and eschewing gift certificates and cans of spray-on snow. The same could be done for Valentine’s Day. Don’t buy boxes of cards at Costco; make a few out of construction paper. Write a poem, bake cookies, or just single out that one person who makes your heart quake and let them know it. It doesn’t really matter how just so long as you mean it.

Any holiday can lose its way. Fourth of July has been reduced to fireworks. Thanksgiving is devoted to food and football. St. Patrick’s Day—well, I think that was always about drinking. But Valentine’s Day could be so much more than just another Hallmark holiday. As adults we seem to have let romance go the way of Santa Claus—some silly red thing we watch on TV but don’t really believe in. But romance doesn’t have to be over. We just need to redefine it, and make it as individual and special as the person you’ve devoted your heart to.

lippyimp@thestranger.com